Every Hour
On September 20th, 2014 i received a call telling me that my little brother was diagnosed with Leukemia. My life was wrecked. I was currently living in Oklahoma City teaching character to elementary students. I did not know many people well, and the one person i did know, was not accessible. I did not know who to turn to. My 15 year old brother, had Leukemia. What was i supposed to do? So I cried all that night. I woke up for church, pulled on some clothes and went downstairs. My eyes were puffy and red. One of the guys asked me if i was going to church, I replied i think so. Once my friend came downstairs i told her, and we cried. I got permission to stay back from church. I cried even more. I didn't know how to do anything else.
My last post was about how it was hard for me to trust God. Well at the beginning of September i asked God to help me trust Him. He surely does answer prayers. My meditation verse last week was Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, who are called according to his purpose." This is a hard thing for me to accept. Not because i don't believe it is true, i know that it is true. But because Leukemia is what is best for my brother, and it is also best for my whole family. It's hard to accept that Leukemia is what is best. But God tells us that, so i must choose to trust that, and Him.
This is not easy. Everyday is hard. I don't think i've ever cried so often before. I probably cry almost everyday. Being away was actually easy. I had a distraction, teaching was a great way to distract me. But distractions only last for so long. Now, i'm home. Now, i have to face it head on. My brother and my mother are living in Memphis, TN while i'm in Louisiana. I keep looking for my brother's warm face and embrace, but he's not present. But even when i was visiting him, he did not have the strength to give me a proper hug. My meditation verse for the week after he was diagnosed was Isaiah 26:3-4 "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD Jehovah is everlasting strength:" The LORD has given me strength, and i do trust that he will continue to supply strength for me, and my whole family.
Thanksgiving has just passed so it is only appropriate to state something i'm thankful for. Therefore, i am thankful for the challenges to remind me who is in charge. To show me, that i need my LORD, Jesus Christ. Oh how i need Him, every hour.
My last post was about how it was hard for me to trust God. Well at the beginning of September i asked God to help me trust Him. He surely does answer prayers. My meditation verse last week was Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, who are called according to his purpose." This is a hard thing for me to accept. Not because i don't believe it is true, i know that it is true. But because Leukemia is what is best for my brother, and it is also best for my whole family. It's hard to accept that Leukemia is what is best. But God tells us that, so i must choose to trust that, and Him.
This is not easy. Everyday is hard. I don't think i've ever cried so often before. I probably cry almost everyday. Being away was actually easy. I had a distraction, teaching was a great way to distract me. But distractions only last for so long. Now, i'm home. Now, i have to face it head on. My brother and my mother are living in Memphis, TN while i'm in Louisiana. I keep looking for my brother's warm face and embrace, but he's not present. But even when i was visiting him, he did not have the strength to give me a proper hug. My meditation verse for the week after he was diagnosed was Isaiah 26:3-4 "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD Jehovah is everlasting strength:" The LORD has given me strength, and i do trust that he will continue to supply strength for me, and my whole family.
Thanksgiving has just passed so it is only appropriate to state something i'm thankful for. Therefore, i am thankful for the challenges to remind me who is in charge. To show me, that i need my LORD, Jesus Christ. Oh how i need Him, every hour.
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