Nearer to Thee

 Far away. That is where everyone seems to be. My mother is not home, most of my siblings are not home. Many of my friends are all around the world. I am no longer with the students i have spent almost six months teaching in Oklahoma. But it is not simply a physical distance. It is much deeper. I have not talked to my best friend in over two months, I had no words to tell my father at the dinner table tonight. My mind is foggy and tired. The dreams and passions i have, seem to only take place in the future tense. I feel isolated. What should i do dear God? Heavenly Father, is there something that i can do?

 Still all my song shall be: Nearer, My God to Thee, nearer to Thee. Though like the wanderer, the sun go down. Darkness be over me, my rest a stone. Yet in my dreams I'd be, Nearer, My God to Thee, nearer my God to Thee, nearer to Thee. 

 Even though everyone, along with all my hopes and dreams, seem distant, that is my prayer; nearer my God to Thee. Oh, how i long for that. To be close to my Savior, my God, and my Father. Jesus came to earth, so that could happen. But even though that is a great desire of mine, how often do i give it up, for what i want in the moment. Someone once said: "People often give up what they want most, for what they want in the moment." I too, am a victim of this. And by doing so,  I  distance myself from the one who gave His life for me, so that He can be close to me.
 Why am i caught up in this? It seems as though such a easy thing to overcome, but even now, i am sitting here writing this, thinking: this seems unconquerable. I feel trapped. But the Bible says that i am dead to sin. The i have put off the old man with ALL his deeds. I feel as though this is not true in my life. But if you have noticed i have said "feel" a lot. We all know feelings are deceptive, but i know i still believe them. Why do i follow my feelings, when i can follow Jesus?
 This is all difficult for me to grasp and understand. That is why i am writing this, in hopes to try and make sense of it, with these ramblings. I know the right answers. I know what i should believe. I know a lot of things, but i very often do not believe (act on) those things. For your beliefs will produce your actions.
 Lord, draw me nearer to you. Reveal to me who you are. May these writings produce some good. To God be the Glory.