The Bible According to Me:

• Do Good only when it's convenient.
• Love only people who love you.
• Be kind to only those who deserve it.
• It's okay to do bad things to people who do bad things to you.
• Be joyful when others are watching.
• Be grateful when other people can hear.
• Wear modest clothes when old people are around 
• Drink whenever you deem it necessary.
• Ask for forgiveness whenever you think you should.
• Eat whatever looks good and however much you want.

But most importantly....

• Do whatever feels right.