I Choose Death
Today, I am 7038 days old. After all those days alive, I feel as though I am just now becoming alive. Let me explain. I have been physically alive for 7038 days now. Although this is true, I feel like I have actually been sleep living. What I mean by sleep living is, I have been passively living out my life. I haven't put much energy into it. Yes, every now and then I wake up and live life in a way that feels different and invigorating, but then I get tired and fall back asleep. This has been my life. But I'm sick of it
Those who know me, or have read this blog know about my brother having Leukemia, and I hate to be redundant but it woke me. It made me realize that life is to be lived, every minute of it. And I mean thoughtfully lived. I have lived my life with it just coming at me, and I try and dodge the pain, or bury the problem, but I stay in the same place. In order for things to improve, one has to move from the place they are in. Moving takes energy. But moving to a better mental, spiritual, or emotional place takes much more than energy. It is a constant putting forth of energy, of effort, of thought, tears, work, change, and so much more. You see, our bodies are constantly producing physical energy but physical energy is not all that we need for improvement of this sort, we need supernatural help. I have been trying to live my life with Jesus, but not letting Him ask me do the hard things. I know the verse "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." But when it comes to the daily living, I don't live that out.
I'm sick of this life I've chosen for myself. I'm sick of lying and saying I'm alright, when I'm barely above water. I'm sick of believing that this is reality for me. I refuse it. I refuse to believe this is what life needs to be. I'm sick of this laziness inside of me. Jesus did not die so i can sleep live my way through life. He died to bring victory. He died to bring life. He died to bring hope. By the strength and promise of Christ, I choose a different life. I choose to live life the hard easy way. I choose the hard easy yoke. Hard, because i have to deny my natural self daily. Easy, because I have the Creator of the universe, the Almighty leading me and carrying me.
Father, give me strength to live life in a victorious way. Give me strength to die, so that I can live.
Those who know me, or have read this blog know about my brother having Leukemia, and I hate to be redundant but it woke me. It made me realize that life is to be lived, every minute of it. And I mean thoughtfully lived. I have lived my life with it just coming at me, and I try and dodge the pain, or bury the problem, but I stay in the same place. In order for things to improve, one has to move from the place they are in. Moving takes energy. But moving to a better mental, spiritual, or emotional place takes much more than energy. It is a constant putting forth of energy, of effort, of thought, tears, work, change, and so much more. You see, our bodies are constantly producing physical energy but physical energy is not all that we need for improvement of this sort, we need supernatural help. I have been trying to live my life with Jesus, but not letting Him ask me do the hard things. I know the verse "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." But when it comes to the daily living, I don't live that out.
I'm sick of this life I've chosen for myself. I'm sick of lying and saying I'm alright, when I'm barely above water. I'm sick of believing that this is reality for me. I refuse it. I refuse to believe this is what life needs to be. I'm sick of this laziness inside of me. Jesus did not die so i can sleep live my way through life. He died to bring victory. He died to bring life. He died to bring hope. By the strength and promise of Christ, I choose a different life. I choose to live life the hard easy way. I choose the hard easy yoke. Hard, because i have to deny my natural self daily. Easy, because I have the Creator of the universe, the Almighty leading me and carrying me.
Father, give me strength to live life in a victorious way. Give me strength to die, so that I can live.
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