I Am Not Mary
The Future. The impending doom of that simple word, future. Oh how i look forward to the future, yet dread it so. Earlier this evening i was crying due to the thought of that word. I have so many hopes and dreams for the future, but they all seem, well... doomed. I am aware that i know the one who holds the future, and i do trust Him. But sometimes i can't help but be scared. Honestly, i am really impatient. I'm sick of waiting. I feel like I'm in this weird in-between stage of not knowing what's going on, yet people expect me to know what's going on, simply because of my age. Ugh i hate age. Because of it, people label you. And if you don't match the label you're either fantastic or stupid. If you do match the label, then you're just average. Anyways, rant over.
The Past. When people talk about their past, it usually isn't in a positive light. Or the opposite is, they worship the past, as if it was the Garden of Eden, and now the Angel with the fiery sword blocks the passage and you can't get back. The past to me, seems to be a blur. I can never seem to remember what i want to, and i can't forget what i want to. It's almost a lose, lose situation.
The Present. Oh, the one that's always forgotten about. But the ironic thing is, it's the only time we actually have. It seems super obvious to say that all we have is now, but we all seem to forget it. We are only guaranteed the moment we are in at the moment, but do we spend that time to focus on now? to focus on what is going on at that moment? If i am going to be honest, i would have to answer that with a no. I'm too busy beating myself over that stupid thing i did, or making my to-do list, or dreaming about the future.
The Future, The Past, and The Present. It seems like, I at least, have no victory in any of these areas. So what should i do? I guess i should just give up, and live the doomed life i have waiting for myself. Just kidding. I think the answer God has for myself is to stop. I am caught up in this busy world. I am the Margaret not the Mary (ironic). I am caught up in the busy work. I'm too worried about what college or career I'll choose. I am too anxious about the man I'm going to marry, or if there will even be one. I need to be still. For God is not a God of chaos but of peace. God is. I need to remember that. I need to sink and drown myself in that fact. Among the busy world, among the crazy speed my train of thought runs, among the loudness of everyone's opinions, God is. I must sit at His feet, and listen to His words. I must stop, and be still.
The Past. When people talk about their past, it usually isn't in a positive light. Or the opposite is, they worship the past, as if it was the Garden of Eden, and now the Angel with the fiery sword blocks the passage and you can't get back. The past to me, seems to be a blur. I can never seem to remember what i want to, and i can't forget what i want to. It's almost a lose, lose situation.
The Present. Oh, the one that's always forgotten about. But the ironic thing is, it's the only time we actually have. It seems super obvious to say that all we have is now, but we all seem to forget it. We are only guaranteed the moment we are in at the moment, but do we spend that time to focus on now? to focus on what is going on at that moment? If i am going to be honest, i would have to answer that with a no. I'm too busy beating myself over that stupid thing i did, or making my to-do list, or dreaming about the future.
The Future, The Past, and The Present. It seems like, I at least, have no victory in any of these areas. So what should i do? I guess i should just give up, and live the doomed life i have waiting for myself. Just kidding. I think the answer God has for myself is to stop. I am caught up in this busy world. I am the Margaret not the Mary (ironic). I am caught up in the busy work. I'm too worried about what college or career I'll choose. I am too anxious about the man I'm going to marry, or if there will even be one. I need to be still. For God is not a God of chaos but of peace. God is. I need to remember that. I need to sink and drown myself in that fact. Among the busy world, among the crazy speed my train of thought runs, among the loudness of everyone's opinions, God is. I must sit at His feet, and listen to His words. I must stop, and be still.
:) thank you for this much-needed reminder.
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